If I couldn't find love.
Friday, November 26, 2010 2:48 AM
There are many a times,
Where one asks oneself,
“Am I not to be loved?”.
Reaching out one hand,
And hoping for another hand,
to hold it tighter than yestaday,
and the day before.
What one don’t realize is that,
The other hand is one’s own hand.
One loved itself,
But how long can it last?
Love and be loved,
Are two separate issues.
Love is something indescribable,
While being loved means being happy.
If I couldn’t be loved,
Then I will give love.
To love others and be waiting,
For that one true love.
It may not be right,
But if one stop giving love,
Then no one would.
So,
To love and to be loved.
Its all about the same.
Thursday, November 25, 2010 10:27 PM
I kind of feel that the only thing I could survive,
Is a walk under my void deck. But I were only looking out.
I like walking, alone or with company, but not with most people.
Maybe those that I find able to be as solemn as I am.
Of course, while taking a long stroll around.
Enjoy the breeze and smell of the after-rain.
Yet again, I can name many friends living near me.
But maybe only one or two are 'qualified' to accompany me.
Ok, that was mean, but I really meant it.
I don't really know why the neighborhood feels so much better.
Than my house, maybe its four-walled and anything is reflected back at me.
Maybe my thoughts and feels just keeps coming back and never leaving.
Maybe I should take a walk now and then, reflect and ponder.
Tonight maybe possible, later, or maybe saturday night.
I have to take a stroll on of these days, or I am dead.
Anyhow, I have about another month, which can be long.
But, I can do it. I need to be 18 soon! ASAP.
Not that I like getting older, but rather the new identity I gain.
Oh, and once I gain it, there's no turning back.
Adulthood. Hell or Heaven.
I hope I will make sound decisions, soon. Oh well.
Listen to what it says - DEXTER!
There maybe times where I couldn't think.
Whether or not, this will be worth it.
The time I held, the time I cried.
Will this thing last, or shall I give up.
I soooooo want to hear your voice.
I kneeeew that life isn't fair.
But why am I still fighting?
FOR YOU.
I want to say I am listening now.
Cried out loud like how I felt.
Why can't this thing be more clear.
Listening to what I said,
oh this miricle I hoped.
Why ain't anything happening to me?
I stepped down.
With a whisper I could say,
a million and one things about you.
OHHH, whyyyy, ain't you leaving.
It kept meeeee, still dreaming.
And off to the winds like how it should have been.
(should have been)
I wondered why this thing isn't going to be smooth.
And I and I and I, keeping it inside, its tearing me up,
pulling me down, and holding me tight.
I should have listened to the pleads, I had.
(OK, this is like a first song I published on my blog.)
(Don't know if its nice, I forgotten the tune.)
(JH! See if can get a tune!)
(OK LIKE BHB, I dont think its nice, not yet!)
.
Heart, take a vacation, please.
Its gorging up, I knew what that means.
It isn't even the end of the year.
2011, please be fast. I need you.
Monday, November 22, 2010 5:41 PM
Is it me, or are you trying to be irritating.
I just wanted to help, and this is how you appreciate them.
Just die already, and I still even bother to help you speak up.
How stupid an I get, you cross that line, pal.
I have nothing to say already, because you ain't worth a shit.
Black, Cold.
To those that fell off the edge/
When lightning strikes and thunder booms/
And falling seemed too distant/
That you closed your eyes and sang/
A fatal incident, a merit coincidence.
All my life I put into it, all my memories lie.
A little hope and a little faith, a smile across your face.
Why didn't I try harder, why did you leave?
I could see that aisle, where we stood, speechless.
I could see the first photo, we had ever took.
I could answer all your questions, whenever, whatever.
I could see you smile, but why now, I couldn't?
Many a times, I wanted to ask, why are we falling apart?
But in those times, you were always away.
I called you, you avoided, and nothing seemed to be on its way.
Little did I know, you fallen for someone else, me, in the dark.
This dark,cold night, this night, I get my messages across.
I want you to be happy, no matter what.
I could see you smile, and walk away, leaving you in bliss.
But I will rather die, than to see us apart, and nothing will stop me, but you.
Little, by little, the raindrops touched my feet.
Why aren't they your hands?
Hugging me, saying, Don't die.
A thunder boomed, my hopes falter.
Listening, I cried out loud, I could hear no escape.
I decided, lets open my eyes, to see one last faith.
And there, a light shone, in this dark, cold night.
A car climbing the hill, wavering through those curve.
I jumped, yes I did, I thought.
Falling seemed to picked up speed, while I was watching.
The car was hurrying, like me, searching for hope.
And thats what I did, I hoped it was him(her).
NOOOOO! And I hit the earth.
The dark, cold earth.
I kept wondering, what if that happened,
Would he(she) be there for me?
Relived that he(she) would, I jumped.
In this dark, cold night.
Saturday, November 13, 2010 10:17 PM
If I can have a dream- DEXTER!
One night an owl flew through my window.
It looked at me, with glittery eyes.
I looked right back at it, with anticipation.
I told myself, please be my love.
Please be the one I am destined to be with.
And please don't leave me.
It got up, in a rather awkward position.
I tried to balance it, with my own two hands.
Its wings held onto my hand.
They felt warm, even in this chilly night.
I gently grasped them, and stared into its eyes.
I looked into them, like they looked into mine.
Its eyes.
Its eyes.
Its eyes.
I felt lost, I even thought I was in a new world.
Like a dark fog surrounded me, suddenly from nowhere.
I sat on this chair I'm bounded to.
The owl stood on my lap, but I can't feel them.
It must have felt the same, the emptiness in where it stood.
I could feel my hands turning cold, tear?, I thought.
It moved, shook away my hands gently.
It hopped to the floor, a place I hoped to feel again.
It carried on hopping, towards its entrance.
I took flight, it spread its wings, I spread mine.
I launched myself onto my bed, mimicking that creature.
The bed was soft, and I could feel indents of my body on it.
As I adjusted myself, I saw the owl with its family.
I knew I had a family, they held me up.
I am finally in my resting place, forever.
My body started to shiver, I was not in control.
I wanted to smile, I want to whither prettily.
I have but one dream,
I passed on.
I want to be loved.
For these few months, I have always though of doing good.
Well, at least, what I think good is.
Somehow, it doesn't pay to be good, in my case.
I am dam demoralized. I don't know what to do.
I really really wanted to help.
But I think I am more of a burden than of help.
Seriously, DTYJ, STOP.
Sorry to the two persons.
You should know who you are.
Well, see you guys tomorrow.
Friday, November 12, 2010 11:39 PM
This week ended quite, urm, well?
I guess so, at least I managed to survive it.
Today was GREAT!
Went to ORCHARD after jamming!(no, I didn't jam.)
with ED,JZ,JH.
Well, we walked around, and ED,JZ ended up with bags.
Not literally BAGs, but they did shop.
Leaving me and JH slacking somewhere.
Had a small convo with JH while the two boys raged the shop.
That was quite nice, we were discussing about school stuff.
And of course some opinions. AND I HOPE IT COME TRUE.
Anyways, tomorrow will be a sad SAT.
I have to head back to school to do project.
And I doubt there will be many hotspots open for that.
Lets look forward to it!
Gymming shall erase this week's calories.
I hope, please, at least shed that flab!
Alright, time to wait for JOJO somemore!
RAWRRR, and where's FLJY!
Unreality - DEXTER!
Buildings coming out of trees.
Rivers flowing upwards, to the sky.
Birds flying upside down.
Dreams and reality are the same.
Divided just by that thin line.
The line is what I call hope.
One day, my dreams will come true.
And on that day, I shall tame that line.
Even if I couldn't, I must.
What others say doesn't matter.
I am the almighty ruler of this world.
I live for myself and for love.
Monday, November 8, 2010 2:46 PM
This twilight - DEXTER!
I listened to the storm brew.
I saw the thunderclouds come and go.
I felt the heat all over my face, and gone.
I lived on, for that twilight I longed for.
I changed my pace in life, yearning for more.
I ignored all claims, and pass my chances.
Finally, that twilight came, this twilight.
Oh, please bring me back, to where I were.
To where I still had my dreams and hopes.
I want to erase everything.
I have to move forward.
For now I am stagnent.
This twilight, let me move to my past.
This twilight, let me start anew.
This twilight, I wish to forget.
This twilight, I hope not to die.
This time
Thursday, November 4, 2010 11:04 PM
HOHO.Just had an awesome dinner with
JIAYI,JIANHAO,JOEL! The 3 Js!!!
Well, this week was chaotic, so little time so many things.
Either way, I still hold my stand and well, move on.
And to add a note,
Being with JIAYI,JIANHAO,MEIEE,JOJO was nice.
It felt like a new change of environment already!
We have, ahem, almost-complete our project that is due next thurs!
I felt that was uuubeer early for us, our team.
I think that this team will do much much much better than last sem.
Although, we are already the best le.
Anyway, so much for BHB-zone-out time.
Many other incidents might/could/would happen.
Or has really began.
So I should write something nice(maybe) for my other clique.
Dear JINGNING,YIYING,MARISSA,GEKHEONG,XINGWEI
Guys, I dont know how you feel about me not joining you guys nowadays.
If you guys are/have/plan to/starting to get angry with me,
By all means, you can be.
I will not stop you, neither will I hate you.
I think some of you may be angry with me for various other reasons.
But like I said, by all means, you can be, if you want to.
But before any hating starts, I will just like explain myself.
Well, I do not think the clique is anything bad.
I felt we had fun the past sem, and we became closer and more aware of each other.
But, on the other hand, I knew that I was neglecting others in the class.
And this sem, I want to get to know them better.
I felt that this is fair, one sem with this clique, and the next sem, with the other.
I shall end this note here.
CIAOS.
Alright, to someperson, I only have a sentence to say.
"If one live to take revenge, then one is not living." DEXTER!
HEHEH.
I shall go off le!
If I shall live again. -DEXTER!
Maybe I was born to do great stuff.
Maybe this life will be great.
Maybe I will get to experience things I had never done.
Or maybe I will just lay asleep.
I want every life to be nice.
Even though things won't always be there.
But if I wished really well,
I could see the courage I need.
Although I live in this fragile life.
All it takes is a little twist,
And all this life I have to spend,
In a little box in the ground.
Even if I couldn't see,
I hope I could be given a guiding light.
Even if everyone walked away,
I hope I have one true love.
And this small effort,
Which many call hope,
Transit between hours
Like a silent charm saying I hoped.
If I may relive this life,
I want to make many changes.
I want a little time for my own.
I want to hope even more.
But there again, this is fate.
For I am stuck in this one whole life.
If for I may, I shall weep.
While waiting for greater things to come my way.
Then it must, as we know.
To live life while we hope.
For if we hope, this little second,
Could be a marvelous treat.
Let me finish where I start off,
And to relive this moment,
Like a newborn.
And now, I shall soar.
Dexter is my name. I response to Dex and Density and Dex-xy too. This is a personal blog, so please don't restrain me from expressing myself, how-so-ever. I can get cranky, I can get mad, I can be whatever I want, I can criticize, I can be nice, and last, I can be anything and everything. Welcome to my world, where life is not only ups and downs, it is also red,orange,yellow,green,blue,indigo,violet. Life is a rainbow, and sometimes a dull one, however, if we embrace it well, it will be beautiful.