Dexter is my name. I response to Dex and Density and Dex-xy too. This is a personal blog, so please don't restrain me from expressing myself, how-so-ever. I can get cranky, I can get mad, I can be whatever I want, I can criticize, I can be nice, and last, I can be anything and everything. Welcome to my world, where life is not only ups and downs, it is also red,orange,yellow,green,blue,indigo,violet. Life is a rainbow, and sometimes a dull one, however, if we embrace it well, it will be beautiful.
I know, projects are done, and there nothing to be emoing about.
But I do, alot of thinking have been done, and concluded.
Right lets start, but before that..
To all my friends, please dont feel offended by any content I'm about to write.
Its like my thoughts, its not to offend anyone.
But if you feel any content I should not have, tell me.
I will change, but not my thoughts.
Right, lets get it started.
I think I'm stupid. I don't know if others will agree.
I don't think I'm stupid-stupid. I think I'm busybody-stupid.
There are many things, which I had regretted doing.
But still, many similar incidents were poping up recently.
And to my stupidity, I went to poke my nose into them, again.
I guess I should scold myself for being stupid, as usual.
1 major friendship incident broke, and the outcome was bad.
But recently, I went to 'help' in a similar situation.
I bet I did/will do more harm then good.
Why am I so busybody? Why couldn't I just shut up and get along with life?
Why do I always want to help others? Why do all my efforts always backfire and I get hurt, for nothing?
Well, all in all, I am just plain stupid.
Incident 1, I somehow 'brought together' 2 people in my secondary school. I was proud of it, I felt I did something nice. I thought I ahve done all I could to help each party. And what now? I am firstly being framed of badmouthing and cooking up stories about 1 of them. And what am I to say? The person obviously believed the partner. And I just lost 2 friends like that, without any proper reasons.
Incident 2, this time, I somehow got involved with another couple in my class. I am stupid to tell the person that I can help him/her in some ways. Then I tried to ask for their opinion about each other, and tried to help them. And I was proud, again. Then I felt that something bad was coming, definitely. And today, when Incident 3 happened, I was told by everyone to chill and talk to the person nicely. And the him/her was comforting him/her about what happen. Am I a tyrant or what I don't know, cos I am stupid.
Incident 3, wah, this one epic one. I really am stupid. I went shopping,, and saw those nice and cheap and old-school watches. And suggested to the others we should get that for the clique. And so we did, and now I wish we hadn't. And its all me. We got our watches and passed to the other 2 remaining last. Somehow when he/she said 'you all sure choose le, then give me the one others don't want.', my heart sank, I knew I don't fit here, I knew I should shut up and carry on being stupid. I am not really really mad at him/her. But mad at myself for being stupid. I hate myself. Like my parents always say 'ni de gui zhu yi hen duo' which means 'your nonsensical ideas alot'. I think its true, I have to stop.
Incident 4, I am stupid, thats why I have to insult others to make myself look better. I should stop, shut up and be stupid. I don't mean to insult and badmouth about others, but I am insecure and stupid. Everyone have strengths and weaknesses, I should open up to their strengths and not their weaknesses. How dumb can I get to realise this only now? I will not insult others again, well, I will try. I need to be smarter, or I will always get myself into trouble, for nothing.
Ok, so these are what I am going to do:
I am not going to poke my nose into anything anymore. I don't care if its secrets or facts. None of my concern. I will only focus on my own problems and stuff. I will not suggest anything anymore, I don't want to be 'the one' to give ideas and end up getting hurt. Like my father said 'just be average can liao, don't ge-kiang(act-smart) and don't stand out, will do. Lastly, I shall be my normal self, and stop trying to be fun and all. The lesser the problems, the better. Still I feel stupid.
Apologies to all parties, I will not care anymore, I don't want to in fact. I shall help myself more, because I don't feel that I did much, and don't depend on others. I think that 'what is meant to be, will be' phrase is what i must adopt. I will just let things take it course, not going to interfere anymore.
Goodbye readers.