This whole incident was raked up after 8 mths of silence.
Lets just say everyone's at fault. (involved parties only.)
And I can't say that I only played a small part.
Now, I am going to reveal what I said, mostly.
The next few( or loads) of lines are for N,
Dear N,
firstly, I am sorry to you, because I won't know that you will be so affected but it. If I knew something like this were to happen, I would have never say a word. Now to the next point, after reading your blog, I know you are disappointed in me, but can you imagine how disappointed I was with you before you and HIM even got tgt? I don't mean(and never) to spread rumours about you. I didn't OK. I only bitch about you with the group. And I swear that all I had discuss was just about how you handled your relationship. I was not happy(more of disappointment) when I saw the some of the ways you treat HIM before you got tgt. I wasn't sure if you are serious with him or not. I wanted to make sure that you are true to him. Thats why I would occasionally sit beside you or call you at nights to talk about HIM and YOU. But it kind of came to an extend where I had to tell HIM how I feel. It felt so weird to keep it inside me, I needed to tell someone. And then I came up with the idea of writing him a letter about what I thought of you then. I wasn't trying to break you guys up or anything. I merely wanted him to know what I thought of your handling of relationships, thats all. I didn't bitch about who you are or what you should and should not do. I know everyone is unique and so are you. But, if I were to just tell him, I would be the one that everyone's going to point to if you knew about it. I will be blamed for bad-monthing you etc. The contents of the letter is mend to be confidential. I know its crazy for me to write an agreement, but I had to protect myself right? I don't get any return in doing that. And I am willing to sacrifice my friendship with you, but I rather HIM not to get hurt in anyway. That's why I requested him not to tell anyone, keep this within ourselves. And today, I found out that no one knows about it, but you somehow or rather know about it. I was scared at first, I wanted our friendship to last, but I don't think that can every happen again. I needed a proof or some evidence that I did try not to let you know about this. No one likes to be insulted, in any way. Since you know the contents, it is too late for me to take back my words. It's OK, at least I did what I wanted to do, protect my good friend's feelings, by not getting him hurt via relationships. I'm not saying you are not fit to be with HIM, I just wanted him to widen his prospective before making a stand. If he still likes/loves you after what I had to say, he really likes you and don't care about himself. I guess my intentions are misunderstood again. Nevermind, at least you guys are together. And btw, I did tell him the contents of the agreement, but in a hurry to read the letter, he just signed it. But after he signed I did repeat what the terms are. And asked him if he really agrees. He said Yes. I don't know how you got the idea that he only know of the content after he signed it. Nevermind, you should believe HIM since I am a 'story-teller'. I wont be angry that no one trust me in this. I know that after I told him about you, I will be tainted by this stain, but still I would still do it even if I know this will happen, because, unlike what I said earlier, I would rather be the bad guy, you guys will last. And regarding the 'I am a story-teller' rumour, if you believe its real, then it is. You can ask all close friends around me, I have never insulted you or amphasized that 'you kissed your ex'. I thought that is so normal nowadays. And all close friends would just tell you the same thing; I have only one main point to say 'I just dont like how N treat relationships, but I still adore her as a friend.' And I did say this 'I treat N as one of the best girl-friends I have, but I would never be in a relationship with her.' Thats all, you can ask HIM, I always tell him I only dislike your ways of treat relationships. I don't know what made you say I(and with the others) bitch about you and him together. Yes, I did forecast how long you guys were be together, for I thought this relationship was a rush, and was angry at both of you for not waiting till Os are over. I felt guilty that HE got not-as-expected Os results, I thought that if I had got quiet and not be a busybody to inform you both, he would have scored better. I had high hopes for him, I also frequently tell him he would do equally or better than me in Os. I believe that. But I guess all that belief I had was just something I wished for, but I didn't get them fufilled. I did bitch about 2 things only. I wasnt happy you guys spend your saturdays in the lib doing nothing, for HIM, he is just reading comics. And another is that he never spend alot of time with us since you guys got together. I was just unhappy. But I have NEVER told anyone outside of my circle of close friends. I know its hard to believe me now, I just wanted to say that; 'One thing I will always remember for my Secondary Life, is that I brought two people together and they lasted for 9 mths now!' Happy 9mth-anni. I am not fit to say this now, but Im sorry and I wont hope for remedies, because it is all too late. It hurts to see your post that strikes me in the heart, but Im Ok with it, I am numbed already. And when I say ILY, i meant it, no matter if you believe or not, I will nv leave you guessing again, because I will nv repeat the three words eveery again. I guess this will be my farewell to you, I will never bother you again. BYE.
And to HIM,
Hi JY, I know, I am being hated now. Its Ok, as long as you guys are OK, Im proud. I lied, about not loving you guys. HAHA. Ok, im crying now and ironically I HAHA-ing. Nevermind that, I don't know what you said to N, but I will still believe you won't spread rumours about me telling 'stories' I did not. If I did, I would admit it, seriously. About the agreement thing, I lied too, I had already throw it away since the day I you signed it, its just that I didnt tell anyone, in the previous post, I just wanted you to reflect on what I said 8 mths ago. But it failed as usual. HAHA, I just wanted an apology from you, but I dont think I will ever have the right to ask for it anymore. Don't worry, I will never. Despite what I said about you guys, you just ignored me and continue till even now! 9mths is long, 3x my expected. NICE. HAHA. I want to believe that you told N about the content of the letter word for word, or close to. I don't know why you brought it up after so long, but I respect your decision. I knew one day this would happen, so the agreement was just to prelong it. Luckily you only told HER recently, after we are in POLY, thanks for prolonging it. Don't tell me about what you said to her. And worst, don't tell me what you said to her that you wasn't sure if I had said it or not. Ok, I believe that you will never. I'm just writing it down as a last letter. Yah, after this post, I will never disturb you guys every again, I am tired and don't want to see some of my intentions to lead to misunderstandings again. It was really nice to meet a great friend like you, then(this is the last letter). I really enjoyed your company and didn't regret anything we done together. Thanks for the 4 years, and now we must move on. I would like to always tell you what I feel you should do (then and up to 2am on 20/5/10), because I dont want yo to regret your decision and then tell me why didn't I tell you this. But again, by telling you so many things, these would happen, but still, every word I said to you is based on that reason above. I have to be very firm in this, I will not change my mind, if its rubbish to you, then its OK to ignore this post, but I just don't wish to exclude anything for the last letter. I have to face up to consequences and the best thing is GOODBYE. BYE.
To BOTH of YOU,
I am sorry for all I have said but never regretful. I will not continue anymore of this anymore, so don't worry. So in my final goodbye, I will like to say that Im very touched that you guys rmbed my BDAE and got me a pressie! But I do still owe you each a pressie. I guess it will never be neccessary for that anymore. I will rmb you guys by that day you got me a pressie in MAC. Thanks for this memory. I will not forget.But thats the end of the memories, I will not recieve anymore.
To H,
I'm sorry for speaking to you like that just now. But I wanted to make a stand, that I'm disappointed because of rumours ,that regards me, our friendship can be broken. No matter if you agree or not, I concluded its better not to see each other again, so its alright Im deleted from your fb. I will remember you as the time whr you bought me cheesefries from bbtea shop when I had no $$ to eat. Thanks. and BYE.
To A,
I don't want to know your side of agruement, but its better that we dont stay in contact after this incident, it will be awkard. Im sorry but this is goodbye. I will remember you as taking 185 with me and we were happy chatting. BYE.
I have finished what I have to say, I wouldn't care about any of your actions or behaviour anymore. Its your rights to live, but I do hope you do great in life. Good luck and this is goodbye. I will never want to say goodbye to anyone every again. So I hope this will be the last goodbye to anyone Im giving. GOODBYE, BEST OF LUCK.
-ddExtEr.
The ONE.
Dexter is my name. I response to Dex and Density and Dex-xy too. This is a personal blog, so please don't restrain me from expressing myself, how-so-ever. I can get cranky, I can get mad, I can be whatever I want, I can criticize, I can be nice, and last, I can be anything and everything. Welcome to my world, where life is not only ups and downs, it is also red,orange,yellow,green,blue,indigo,violet. Life is a rainbow, and sometimes a dull one, however, if we embrace it well, it will be beautiful.