Dexter is my name. I response to Dex and Density and Dex-xy too. This is a personal blog, so please don't restrain me from expressing myself, how-so-ever. I can get cranky, I can get mad, I can be whatever I want, I can criticize, I can be nice, and last, I can be anything and everything. Welcome to my world, where life is not only ups and downs, it is also red,orange,yellow,green,blue,indigo,violet. Life is a rainbow, and sometimes a dull one, however, if we embrace it well, it will be beautiful.
http://idontfeelalone.tumblr.com
Moved.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010 8:20 PM
Guys, I moved to tumblr le!
If I couldn't find love.
Friday, November 26, 2010 2:48 AM
There are many a times,
Where one asks oneself,
“Am I not to be loved?”.
Reaching out one hand,
And hoping for another hand,
to hold it tighter than yestaday,
and the day before.
What one don’t realize is that,
The other hand is one’s own hand.
One loved itself,
But how long can it last?
Love and be loved,
Are two separate issues.
Love is something indescribable,
While being loved means being happy.
If I couldn’t be loved,
Then I will give love.
To love others and be waiting,
For that one true love.
It may not be right,
But if one stop giving love,
Then no one would.
So,
To love and to be loved.
Its all about the same.
Thursday, November 25, 2010 10:27 PM
I kind of feel that the only thing I could survive,
Is a walk under my void deck. But I were only looking out.
I like walking, alone or with company, but not with most people.
Maybe those that I find able to be as solemn as I am.
Of course, while taking a long stroll around.
Enjoy the breeze and smell of the after-rain.
Yet again, I can name many friends living near me.
But maybe only one or two are 'qualified' to accompany me.
Ok, that was mean, but I really meant it.
I don't really know why the neighborhood feels so much better.
Than my house, maybe its four-walled and anything is reflected back at me.
Maybe my thoughts and feels just keeps coming back and never leaving.
Maybe I should take a walk now and then, reflect and ponder.
Tonight maybe possible, later, or maybe saturday night.
I have to take a stroll on of these days, or I am dead.
Anyhow, I have about another month, which can be long.
But, I can do it. I need to be 18 soon! ASAP.
Not that I like getting older, but rather the new identity I gain.
Oh, and once I gain it, there's no turning back.
Adulthood. Hell or Heaven.
I hope I will make sound decisions, soon. Oh well.
Listen to what it says - DEXTER!
There maybe times where I couldn't think.
Whether or not, this will be worth it.
The time I held, the time I cried.
Will this thing last, or shall I give up.
I soooooo want to hear your voice.
I kneeeew that life isn't fair.
But why am I still fighting?
FOR YOU.
I want to say I am listening now.
Cried out loud like how I felt.
Why can't this thing be more clear.
Listening to what I said,
oh this miricle I hoped.
Why ain't anything happening to me?
I stepped down.
With a whisper I could say,
a million and one things about you.
OHHH, whyyyy, ain't you leaving.
It kept meeeee, still dreaming.
And off to the winds like how it should have been.
(should have been)
I wondered why this thing isn't going to be smooth.
And I and I and I, keeping it inside, its tearing me up,
pulling me down, and holding me tight.
I should have listened to the pleads, I had.
(OK, this is like a first song I published on my blog.)
(Don't know if its nice, I forgotten the tune.)
(JH! See if can get a tune!)
(OK LIKE BHB, I dont think its nice, not yet!)
.
2:24 AM
Heart, take a vacation, please.
Its gorging up, I knew what that means.
It isn't even the end of the year.
2011, please be fast. I need you.
Monday, November 22, 2010 5:41 PM
Is it me, or are you trying to be irritating.
I just wanted to help, and this is how you appreciate them.
Just die already, and I still even bother to help you speak up.
How stupid an I get, you cross that line, pal.
I have nothing to say already, because you ain't worth a shit.
Black, Cold.
12:35 AM
To those that fell off the edge/
When lightning strikes and thunder booms/
And falling seemed too distant/
That you closed your eyes and sang/
A fatal incident, a merit coincidence.
All my life I put into it, all my memories lie.
A little hope and a little faith, a smile across your face.
Why didn't I try harder, why did you leave?
I could see that aisle, where we stood, speechless.
I could see the first photo, we had ever took.
I could answer all your questions, whenever, whatever.
I could see you smile, but why now, I couldn't?
Many a times, I wanted to ask, why are we falling apart?
But in those times, you were always away.
I called you, you avoided, and nothing seemed to be on its way.
Little did I know, you fallen for someone else, me, in the dark.
This dark,cold night, this night, I get my messages across.
I want you to be happy, no matter what.
I could see you smile, and walk away, leaving you in bliss.
But I will rather die, than to see us apart, and nothing will stop me, but you.
Little, by little, the raindrops touched my feet.
Why aren't they your hands?
Hugging me, saying, Don't die.
A thunder boomed, my hopes falter.
Listening, I cried out loud, I could hear no escape.
I decided, lets open my eyes, to see one last faith.
And there, a light shone, in this dark, cold night.
A car climbing the hill, wavering through those curve.
I jumped, yes I did, I thought.
Falling seemed to picked up speed, while I was watching.
The car was hurrying, like me, searching for hope.
And thats what I did, I hoped it was him(her).
NOOOOO! And I hit the earth.
The dark, cold earth.
I kept wondering, what if that happened,
Would he(she) be there for me?
Relived that he(she) would, I jumped.
In this dark, cold night.
Saturday, November 13, 2010 10:17 PM
If I can have a dream- DEXTER!
One night an owl flew through my window.
It looked at me, with glittery eyes.
I looked right back at it, with anticipation.
I told myself, please be my love.
Please be the one I am destined to be with.
And please don't leave me.
It got up, in a rather awkward position.
I tried to balance it, with my own two hands.
Its wings held onto my hand.
They felt warm, even in this chilly night.
I gently grasped them, and stared into its eyes.
I looked into them, like they looked into mine.
Its eyes.
Its eyes.
Its eyes.
I felt lost, I even thought I was in a new world.
Like a dark fog surrounded me, suddenly from nowhere.
I sat on this chair I'm bounded to.
The owl stood on my lap, but I can't feel them.
It must have felt the same, the emptiness in where it stood.
I could feel my hands turning cold, tear?, I thought.
It moved, shook away my hands gently.
It hopped to the floor, a place I hoped to feel again.
It carried on hopping, towards its entrance.
I took flight, it spread its wings, I spread mine.
I launched myself onto my bed, mimicking that creature.
The bed was soft, and I could feel indents of my body on it.
As I adjusted myself, I saw the owl with its family.
I knew I had a family, they held me up.
I am finally in my resting place, forever.
My body started to shiver, I was not in control.
I wanted to smile, I want to whither prettily.
I have but one dream,
I passed on.
I want to be loved.